You are not an island. I actually say that more often than you'd expect from a therapist. But it's one of my favorite sayings because it can mean several things in different circumstances. Here's what I mean when I say, "You're not an island:"
You are affected by other people.
So many people beat themselves up or call themselves weak when they get their feelings hurt by what someone else says or does. They think they should have complete control over their own thoughts and feelings that if they hurt or are offended it means there's something wrong with them. Nope.
In large part you are indeed responsible for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. But you're not an island. People do and say things that hurt you. People can be unkind or selfish. You can feel left out, disappointed, pained, etc. It's what you do in response that separates you from the rest of the world. Do you retaliate? Do you criticize yourself? Do you withdraw? Do you confront diplomatically? Those are the things you have control over, not whether or not your feelings were hurt by someone else's cruelty, that's natural and human.
And after all, you're not an island...
You effect other people.
A lot of folks mistakenly believe that their inner voice is their own. And yes, it is. It is truly and more than you realize. What I mean is that your inner voice affects your outer voice and actions. Your inner voice isn't really just an inner commentary that lives and let's live.
When you're making fun of people in your head, the way you treat them in real life is influenced. If you're loving and respectful about them, looking for things they do well, in your head then also you influence the way you interact with them. If you're inner voice has that sarcastic "I hate people" mantra, but you think you're a nice guy... well, your "nice guy-ness" is colored by that statement you tell yourself about others.
This goes the same for how you talk about yourself to yourself, too. Can you see the pattern?
The thoughts you think are your own. You are responsible for them. But the thoughts you think effect the way you behave in your relationships with other people, because you are not an island and neither is your mind.
How does this change things?
It changes them BIG TIME! When you give yourself permission to feel your feelings but take ownership on how you respond to those feelings it makes a positive difference in your relationships. When you realize that your inner dialogue is influencing the relationships around you then you can start monitoring that inner dialogue and start enjoying people more deeply and safely.
It's up to you. You. Are. Powerful!
What life do you want for yourself? What kind of relationships do you want?
You're not an island, so no matter what choice you make it effects you as well as those around you.
You are affected by other people.
So many people beat themselves up or call themselves weak when they get their feelings hurt by what someone else says or does. They think they should have complete control over their own thoughts and feelings that if they hurt or are offended it means there's something wrong with them. Nope.
In large part you are indeed responsible for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. But you're not an island. People do and say things that hurt you. People can be unkind or selfish. You can feel left out, disappointed, pained, etc. It's what you do in response that separates you from the rest of the world. Do you retaliate? Do you criticize yourself? Do you withdraw? Do you confront diplomatically? Those are the things you have control over, not whether or not your feelings were hurt by someone else's cruelty, that's natural and human.
And after all, you're not an island...
You effect other people.
A lot of folks mistakenly believe that their inner voice is their own. And yes, it is. It is truly and more than you realize. What I mean is that your inner voice affects your outer voice and actions. Your inner voice isn't really just an inner commentary that lives and let's live.
When you're making fun of people in your head, the way you treat them in real life is influenced. If you're loving and respectful about them, looking for things they do well, in your head then also you influence the way you interact with them. If you're inner voice has that sarcastic "I hate people" mantra, but you think you're a nice guy... well, your "nice guy-ness" is colored by that statement you tell yourself about others.
This goes the same for how you talk about yourself to yourself, too. Can you see the pattern?
The thoughts you think are your own. You are responsible for them. But the thoughts you think effect the way you behave in your relationships with other people, because you are not an island and neither is your mind.
How does this change things?
It changes them BIG TIME! When you give yourself permission to feel your feelings but take ownership on how you respond to those feelings it makes a positive difference in your relationships. When you realize that your inner dialogue is influencing the relationships around you then you can start monitoring that inner dialogue and start enjoying people more deeply and safely.
It's up to you. You. Are. Powerful!
What life do you want for yourself? What kind of relationships do you want?
You're not an island, so no matter what choice you make it effects you as well as those around you.
RSS Feed
